see how deep the bullet lies
by theramenfreak
Summary: Nothing is left in his wake but bloody footprints, the lingering smell of nicotine and the flicker of self-loathing lurking in his shadow. 5986  GokuHaru  Oneshot; Song Fic


_**A/N **This is a song fic to Placebo's 'Running Up That Hill'. It's 5986 [GokuHaru] and incredibly confusing (to read and for me to write) since I started it one night at like...4 or something in the morning and I wanted to keep writing in the same mood when I woke up the next day...So yeah. Enjoy, I guess..._

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><p><em>It doesn't hurt me.<em>

He watches with an odd sense of detachment as the expensive Italian leather of his shoes begins slowly soaking up the blood pooling at his feet. His eyes are glazed and his expression blank as he turns without a single shred of remorse. Nothing is left in his wake but bloody footprints, the lingering smell of nicotine and the flicker of self-loathing lurking in his shadow.

_You wanna feel how it feels?_

Her lips crash angrily against his as hands sear their way along the contours of her body. They're entangled by a mixture of heated words and desperate kissing. She pushes him back onto the large bed and with those deadened eyes, he watches her pained expression as she desperately tries to pull a glimmer of emotion from between his unyielding lips.

_You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?_

She watches with a shudder as his finger pushes round after round from the barrel of the gun. With every piercing noise, the gleam in his eye dulls until he is turning with a darkened expression and a toneless greeting. She shivers again, but takes his outstretched hand as he helps her to her feet without a backwards glance towards the array of bloodless bodies behind him.

_You wanna hear about the deal I'm making?_

He almost screams with frustration when the other boy refuses him once again. He knows that she will be hurt, but his boss simply stares with a stony expression and a valid argument. She has beaten him to the punch and now her life is practically forfeit.

_You be running up that hill_

She's panting and her heels clack against the slippery pavement. Illuminated by the dim glow of a flickering streetlight, she doesn't look back. He'll be coming after her. It's her first mission and she can not afford to fail by allowing him to protect her.

_You and me be running up that hill_

He stares in desperation at the car disappearing rapidly from his line of sight. Within it, she's trapped by her own damn stubbornness. He yells after her with the knowledge that she will not listen. With an empty kind of expression, he begins to follow on foot.

_And if I only could, make a deal with God,_

He knows something is wrong, even before he sees it. The mangled wreck of a car is only the first hint. His stomach lurches in place and the trail of gore is enough to make him shake. He follows it with increasing panic until he is stumbling through backstreets and alleys, all the while, praying to the god who turned on him.

_And get him to swap our places,_

She crouches around a corner, barely hidden from view as the men spread out to search. Her hands tremble against the cool metal of the trigger and she closes her eyes in a vain attempt to steady her breathing. When she opens them, her gaze meets with the face of an enemy and she can't help but let loose a surprised scream of terror.

_Be running up that road,_

He stops dead in his tracks when he hears it. The gut-wrenching sound splitting the heavy silence and without thinking he_'s _sprinting faster than he thought his body could ever move.

_Be running up that hill,_

She feels a tear roll down her cheek as her own fear threatens to envelop her. Her hands began shaking so much that the first bullet misses the man's head by a good meter or two. When he grins, she feels a flash of fear so strong that another desperate sob escapes her lips.

_Be running up that building._

His chest burns with the effort and his muscles scream in protest, but he doesn't stop running. He doesn't stop running until the sound of two gunshots screeches through his mind. He staggers to a stop and turns with rising panic. Behind him, leaking from the alley is a steadily growing pool of blood. He watches with anguish as he sees a hand fall motionless onto the ground, only just peaking into view. His throat lets loose a shout of denial when he recognises the slender fingers.

_If I only could, oh..._

When he stands above her limp body, his sags in relief as her chest rises and falls with calming regularity. A few meters away, a wilted man is gasping threats as a bullet firmly remains lodged in his spine. Within seconds, he is scooping her into her arms and making his way down the empty street.

_You don't wanna hurt me,_

She wakes with a start, glancing around for any inclination as to where she is. When her eyes meet with his sleeping, hunched over form, she hesitates before rising from the empty bed and she doesn't wake him as she slips back into the terrifying night. She decides her life is a worthy gamble if it means he survives for just a little longer.

_But see how deep the bullet lies._

He awakes slowly then curses when the bed before him lies devoid of her familiar figure. The bed sheets leeched of warmth indicates that her absence has lasted longer than he cares to find out. Instead, he slumps down and buried his head in his hands. It was not his job to babysit, but it was a need engrained deeper in his being that he would ever admit.

_Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder._

She doesn't look down when another faceless person makes an angry comment after she brushes past their shoulder. Instead, she keeps her eyes turned to the wet night, praying that her well-deserved tears appear to be nothing more than the innocent drops of rain.

_There's a thunder in our hearts, baby._

He doesn't speak when he once more feels the heat creep up into his chest. A painful tremor shakes his hands as they caress the unnamed woman atop him. All he can see is _her_ face and the only thing he can feel under his rough touch is _her_ skin. He stops thinking and surrenders to the memories of her as she; she desperately buries the need to see his face one more time.

_So much hate for the ones we love?_

He yells at her when they see each other again. She screams right back. All the words they want to say remain unvoiced; _I missed you - I love you - I'm glad you're okay; they_ twist their words until nothing but poisonous mistruths infect each other's ears.

_Tell me, we both matter, don't we?_

He wants to believe that he's useful. The other boy smiles at him from the other side of a desk that has never seemed to wide before and he just _knows_ that his boss is lying through his clenched teeth. He sees the sadness in his eyes. She watches from his side and when they turn to leave, he catches the glimmer of regret in her expression that he feels so painfully heavy in his chest.

_You, be running up that hill_

She punches him when they're free of the room and he only watches as she turns on her heel, all the while knowing that he deserves much, much worse.

_You and me, be running up that hill_

When he gets the call, his fingers turn numb and he almost drops to his knees. His mind is racing and there's a strangely tight sensation slowly wrapping around his erratically beating heart. It takes him a moment but when he snaps back to his senses he's already out the door and running through the dark streets towards the hospital

_You and me won't be unhappy._

When she wakes, he is at her side. When she wakes, she frowns and doesn't look at him. He shifts his gaze and they sit in stony silence, neither one of them willing to sabotage whatever it was that they had become. It takes the belated entrance of the doctor to bring about an semblance of civilised conversation into the room, and even then it's between her and her nurse. He leaves without telling her a damn thing.

_And if I only could, make a deal with God,_

That night she doesn't sleep. That night, he stays in the hospital emergency room, using two chairs as a poor excuse for a bed…Just in case.

_And get him to swap our places,_

He walks slowly towards the other boys room and when he's greeted by a cheerful smile and a hug that felt so damn _right_, he can't find the will to return.

_Be running up that road,_

She's released only a few days later and they celebrate with a party. He doesn't attend, and it's his face that she looks for amongst the crowd.

_Be running up that hill,_

The next morning he arrives on the doorstep of his boss' office in a gore soaked shirt, holding the very thing that began their downward spiral.

_Be running up that building,_

He stays with his boss that night. They drink and talk and then drink some more. The _other boy_ shows him the ring he bought and describes the way he plans to ask the _other girl._ He smiles and nods with a strange sense of emptiness filling him. He takes a moment to imagine what her answer would be if _he_ tried that.

_If I only could, oh..._

He wishes that his imagination was better.

_C'mon, baby, c'mon, c'mon, darling,_

She takes a moment that night, trying to remember where it was that she stopped trusting him.

_Let me steal this moment from you now._

She watches him at the shooting range at midnight, hidden behind a two-way mirror with a glass of wine and the silent want for him to turn and realise she was there. Her wish is granted when he enters the room to collect the data and freezes in surprise when she walks straight past him, on her way out.

_C'mon, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling,_

He catches up to her on the way back to her room. She doesn't answer his questions, just pulls him down for a kiss that feels so incredibly wrong.

_Let's exchange the experience, oh...'_

He doesn't fight it, but he doesn't respond. He stands as still as a statue and lets her pull away finally with a small tear begging to run free down her cheek. He closes his eyes so as not to see her cry and when he opens them again, she has disappeared behind her door and every half-baked excuse that stood between them before.

_And if I only could, make a deal with God,_

When he sees her again, it's a brief flash of a black heel and a shiny new revolver

_And get him to swap our places,_

He tells himself not to run after her. He tries to convince his heart that nothing good will come from it, but his feet still follow her footsteps and his eyes stay trained on her professional-looking blazer.

_Be running up that road,_

He hides like a guilty child when she turned her head slightly and makes sure not to attract any attention. He watches with a sense of disbelief when she lines her target up in the sights of her gun and takes a deep, steadying breath. When did she grow so cold? With every piercing noise, the gleam in her eye dulls until she is turning with a darkened expression and a toneless greeting.

_Be running up that hill,_

He jumps in surprise when she speaks, not realising that she knew he had watched.

_With no problems_

He watches with an odd sense of guilt as the expensive Italian leather of her shoes begins slowly soaking up the blood pooling at her feet.

_With no problems  
><em>

Her eyes are glazed and her expression blank as she turns without a single shred of remorse.

_'If I only could, be running up that hill.'_

Nothing is left in her wake but bloody footprints, the flicker of self-loathing lurking in her shadow and his slowly darkening eyes as he realises that he has no one to blame but himself...


End file.
